A Certain Waitress
A Parody of “A Certain Lady”
Oh, I can seat you at a non-smoking booth,
And oblige your obsessive commands,
And deliver a cool drink to you-being uncouth,
And serve you according to your irrational demands.
When I ask how you would like your steak fixed,
Oh, I recoil as you declare me lazy and dumb,
And then you reply “medium-rare” – seemingly doubtful and mixed,
The answer cordial this time only as a rule of thumb.
And you didn’t pause to think the offense done me,
That perhaps compensation later be made,
And my all-enduring patience isn’t free,
You’ll soon find my pleasant nature fade.
Oh, I know that karma will pay you back,
And rewards come to me while I wait,
Of that I am quite sure despite the lack
Of dire consequences befalling those who hate.
And you as the despicable customer, insensitive and rude,
To learn the lesson of appreciation and respect,
Thus you ill-treat those who prepare your food,
Nor does your thankfulness become what I expect.
And when, upon leaving, you throw me a leer,
Oh, I was only the slovenly waitress;
And without a gratuity, you add a grand sneer, You’ll never know what was done to your steak because I’ll never confess.
A Parody of “A Certain Lady”
Oh, I can seat you at a non-smoking booth,
And oblige your obsessive commands,
And deliver a cool drink to you-being uncouth,
And serve you according to your irrational demands.
When I ask how you would like your steak fixed,
Oh, I recoil as you declare me lazy and dumb,
And then you reply “medium-rare” – seemingly doubtful and mixed,
The answer cordial this time only as a rule of thumb.
And you didn’t pause to think the offense done me,
That perhaps compensation later be made,
And my all-enduring patience isn’t free,
You’ll soon find my pleasant nature fade.
Oh, I know that karma will pay you back,
And rewards come to me while I wait,
Of that I am quite sure despite the lack
Of dire consequences befalling those who hate.
And you as the despicable customer, insensitive and rude,
To learn the lesson of appreciation and respect,
Thus you ill-treat those who prepare your food,
Nor does your thankfulness become what I expect.
And when, upon leaving, you throw me a leer,
Oh, I was only the slovenly waitress;
And without a gratuity, you add a grand sneer, You’ll never know what was done to your steak because I’ll never confess.
Written February 5, 2002
